Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Intuition and Asperger's

I knew from the beginning that something was truly different about my son, Alden, who is now three. Of course, when he was born, as every parent feels, he was this perfect little baby. At 7 lbs, 15 oz, delivered by C-Section, he was a healthy, perfect little guy! Not ever taking a pacifier (he would simply just turn his head or spit it right out), he also never, ever put anything in his mouth. I could lay pennines on the ground and he would just simply line them up, not ever thinking to put them in his mouth. Breast milk, then formula, then baby cereal, then baby food, it was never an issue. Alden was an amazing eater, up until he was ready for solids or a sippy cup. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with any of that. I simply thought that he just wasn't ready. When the doctor asked about his developments, I did express many concerns about the mouth and his eating. "Oh, he is just pretty spoiled," he would reply. My gut knew otherwise. Alden also only played with certain toys. The Fisher Price rings were the hit. Not stacking, but lining each one spacially perfect - at 8 months old! Then, it was the Mickey Mouse, little stuffed figures. All perfectly lined up in his crib. If any of his stuffed friends fell out of place, he would fall apart. This was the beginning of the difference. As a first time mother, I would think, "Wow, he is brilliant!" "My son is a true genius the way he lines everything up!" Alden is brilliant and a true genuis in his own right. His beautiful patterning is still a part of him. It has just evolved into HotWheel cars - hundreds of them. Maybe an OCD of some sort, naming each one by make and model (and remembering who gave him each one), or his safety mechanism to resort to what he knows is constant and can truly understand. This seems to make sense in his world, but to be honest, constant and understanding would make sense in anyone's world. Alden just has the ability to express that more than we do. I am learning from him to make sense out of my world. The Asperger's is difficult to understand sometimes. If I could just get into that little head of his. He patterns every thought which is expressed in his patterning of the objects that he plays with and in the rote language that he speaks. If I could only be so organized! I am now home full-time, having quit my job last June to be with and guide both of my children. Yes, I quit my job in this economy! Who does that? Well, my parents, who were watching my children full-time, got quite burned out, and no daycare would accept a child of Alden's age (2 at the time) that had to be fed and still took a bottle. I suppose they thought that he would convince all of the other children to take back their bottles and being fed was the way to go... Oh my little Prince! Out of necessity - I am home. Out of love - I am home. Now, my husband I are sacraficing the financial situation of our decision. That would be another post! Follow in my journey of my son and my daughter, as we try to make sense of the world. I am here for a reason, I believe and still hope - to be my children's voice and help in filling the hearts of others lost in search for answers. I am only the expert of what I know, but the guide of I what I search.
I will find comfort in knowing that I can guide another heart.


  1. Feel blessed that you are able to make the adjustments necessary to help your children. I did not have that option and truly wish that I had. My 3 teenage boys bring each of their very own troubles to this world. ADHD, mood disorders, ADD, Aspergers. We have made it this far, but there are many times I wonder.. what if I had _____?

  2. Anonymous,
    It is completely understood. I can't imagine the difficulties that you face having 3 teenage boys with their own sets of issues. The adjustments made have been huge sacrafices and I am truly grateful. My heart cries for you. I understand the what if ... , but ... , well I understand. We keep trying to find that light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel keeps getting longer and darker. Just when you think you see the light, darkness clouds over again and again. Just remember that your 3 teenage boys are better because of you. Who else would care for and love them as much as you? Hang in there and remember that YOU and them have made it so far. Blessings to you!