Monday, November 15, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I watched early this morning with coffee in hand and babies still asleep, as my large cat, Simon, relaxed on our screened-in back porch. I don't let my cats, Simon and Joon, go outside, so the porch is the closest to freedom as they can get. 20 lbs was sprawled out on the flagstone floor just beside the right end of the wicker loveseat. Enjoying his morning breath of fresh, humid air, he lay anticipating a bug, chipmunk, or bird to interrupt his otherwise lazy stance. I watched him in anticipation that his hunting skills would kick in, but found myself feeling a bit sad for him. A large, white, PVC fence was added to our landscape about 4 years ago and pretty much blocks any view that Simon and Joon used to have. It is a giant wall. The giant wall encompasses the length of our 2 foot backyard and the alley side, concrete patio. The front of the yard and park-like other side creates the "white-picket fence" illusion. I keep thinking that I need to build some sort of perch for the cats, but the porch is currently screened 10 feet, from top to bottom. Simon has been know to bust through the weathered screen and escape, leaving us with having to put up a baby gate and even duct tape just so he wouldn't ruin more of the tattered screen. The six foot fence doesn't seem to bother Simon or keep him from enjoying his lackadaisical catnaps. Maybe it is just me. Knowing that what is beyond the fence is something that he is missing.
We all have walls. Whether it is trying to see beyond them, climb over them, or just wonder why it has to block the view. I wish that I could build a perch for Alden. My arms get weary from holding him up to look over the wall. Sometimes I feel that my arms get so weak that they are going to collapse, dropping him, and leaving him helplessly wondering what is beyond the wall. Somehow, I find a kind of superhero strength, reaching him way over my head to give him the best view. Does he see it? Does he understand it? Does he wonder? Alden's wall may just be my wall, knowing that what is beyond it is something that I feel he is missing. Maybe he is missing nothing at all and has the most spectacular view that we could only imagine. What I do know, is that his view is just very different. I believe that as a mom, we just try to make it easier for our children to climb over their walls, or build a perch for them to safely view what is beyond. We would do anything to make life a bit easier for them. Alden's wall my be translucent to him, discovering the clarity to which he can relate, but to me, I see stone, blocking my view for him. My arms get weary, my heart heavy, and my mind drained as to how to unobstruct his view.
Simon doesn't seem to mind the 6 foot fence blocking what is beyond, but seems to relish in his screened-in spendor. However, I still want to build him a perch.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
All children amaze me when it comes telling what is on their little minds. The truth of what they are thinking, well, it just comes out. In Alden's case, sameness is essential for him. Even when it comes to his momma. When I was working full time, I would wake up, shower, and get ready before I would get the kids up. The kids saw me dressed, "made up," and ready to go. Since leaving my job, I still wake up before the kids, so I have time to jump in the shower and have a little time to get ready before the chaos begins. However, there are times when my little guy, Alden, hears me and wakes up at the same time. Alden has to wake up early to get ready for his 2 1/2 hours of preschool. Alden will come into the bathroom and look at me. Staring. I give him a big hug and tell him, "Good morning, Alden." "I am so proud of you for waking up all by yourself." Alden, still staring at me, will then say, "Where did the other momma go?" "I want the other momma." OK. I just have to crack up. Do I have to get up even earlier just to put makeup on for my three year old? :) Alden does get over the fact that I am not made up and I get him off to school. When Alden arrives home on the bus, he hugs me, then just stares at me... In shear excitement, Alden exclaims, "It's the other momma!" Got to love it!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
understanding what is unknown.
Bring love to me in all that will be,
to never walk this path alone.
Bring sense to me in all that will be,
realizing the fate of choice.
Bring strength to me in all that will be,
as my heart becomes my voice.
Bring soul to me in all that will be,
absorbing each moment I start.
Bring passion to me in all that will be,
giving my hand with my heart.
Now, take all of me from all that will be,
Remembering moments of what has been.
Power, love, sense, strength, soul, and passion,
I give it ALL to them.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
I will find comfort in knowing that I can guide another heart.